The Modified Monkey: When Your Money Is Our Money (And Stays That Way) Policy

Welcome! We love you. We also love not spreading scary germs. Please read this sensible policy, dressed in a witty tuxedo.

All sales on services (like piercing fees, stretching fees, and “we installed your fancy jewellery” fees) are strictly and un-wittily FINAL.

No Take-Backs: You paid us, we applied a sterile needle to your body, and a memory was made. We can’t un-pierce you, and we can’t refund the labor. Think of it as an extreme, permanent haircut.
The Commitment Clause: If you purchased jewellery but then got cold feet and decided a lovely day of knitting was a better plan than getting pierced, the jewellery itself may still be returnable (see below). But the idea of the service? That’s non-refundable.

For the sake of public health and your own lovely well-being, this section is critical.

Jewellery That’s Been In:
- Once a piece of jewellery has been sterilized, installed, and has touched a human (you), it is yours forever and ever. We don’t accept returns on anything that’s had an extended vacation inside your magnificent flesh. This isn’t a retail store; this is a sterile environment, not a petri dish.
Jewellery That’s Still Pristine:
- If you bought a gorgeous piece, immediately put it in a safe, and never touched the packaging, we may take it back within 7 days with the original receipt.
- CRITICAL: If the original tamper-proof bag, seal, sticker, or tiny plastic fortress is open, broken, or looks suspiciously like it’s been near a cat, it’s considered contaminated. No returns. End of story. Don’t even try.
Aftercare Products:
- Any aftercare product (sprays, soaps, magic elixirs) is a final sale. Once you own the bottle, it’s a private health matter. We can’t take back things that have lived in your bathroom.

Manufacturers’ Mischief: If your new jewellery spontaneously self-destructs (i.e., a manufacturing defect like a gem falling out) within 30 days through no fault of your own, we will happily repair or replace it. (Note: “No fault of your own” does not include running it over with a shopping cart or letting your dog chew on it.)
Healing Hiccups: We don’t refund piercings because your body decided to be complicated. Healing takes work! We are, however, committed to your well-being and will offer free consultations and guidance until the cows come home. Just call us! We’re here to help you get back on the glorious road to healed perfection.